Do you remember that old TV series, Get Smart? Do you remember at the beginning where Maxwell Smart is walking down the secret corridor and there are all of those doors that open sideways, and upside down and gateways and stuff? I think that everyone keeps a whole bunch of doors just like this between themselves and the world. But when you're in love, all of your doors are open, and all of their doors are open. And you roller-skate down your halls together.

Mom said that people are interested in birds only in as much as they exhibit human behavior - greed and stupidity and anger - and by doing so they free us from the unique sorrow of being human...I told Mom my own theory of why we like birds - of how birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain.

Here's my theory about meetings and life: the three things you can't fake are erections, competence and creativity.

Being asked what animal you'd like to be is a trick question; you're already an animal.

Technology favors horrible people.

Jason said, "Yes. Gerard T. Giraffe." What does the 'T' stand for?" 'The.

I think God is how you deal with everything that's out of your own control.