A conservative is a man who will not look at the new moon out of respect for that 'ancient institution' the old one.

Quality, not quantity, is my measure.

Marriage is like wine. It is not be properly judged until the second glass.

Slugs crawl and crawl over our cabbages, like the world's slander over a good name. You may kill them, it is true; but there is the slime.

Grumblers deserve to be operated upon surgically; their trouble is usually chronic.

A conservative is a man who will not look at the new moon out of respect for that 'ancient institution' the old one.

Habitual intoxication is the epitome of every crime.