It pisses me off, people are idiots, but what are you going to do? The world is full of idiots. That's why we'll never have flying cars. People don't know how to drive

There are a lot of girls that will try to hook up with you, then try to have your kid because they figure they're going to get all this money from you

I don't think you can ever make enough to be set for life. Well, I guess there are limits. In the billions, I guess.

I don't know who's worse with little boys, Mario or Michael Jackson.

All these child stars grow up and they're knockin' over banks and getting prostitutes. I'm, like, one of the only people I know that has managed to dodge all of that negative crap.

Stand-up in general is the most raw form of entertainment. There is no pyrotechnics or back-up dancers, it's just live and die by your jokes, that's it.

I've been in this business so long, it just doesn't faze me. I know what's going to happen before it happens.