I don't want to do the same thing over and over again.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

Some people have told me that I'm grumpy; it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway.

Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

You can see desperation in people who are too eager to laugh because they're in such a hurry not to look at what's confronting them in their lives and that's kind of sad because there's a kind of pornographic aspect to it, of making some sort of pain go away, of hovering around a pain, making yourself numb, not feel anything.

I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like this, and that's really up to them, that's fine, but I don't sit around all day analysing it. I just try and enjoy a show and interest myself because if I don't do that then I won't interest anybody else.