I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!

When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing.

I've got better things to do than read rubbish about myself.

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.

Nothing can make me feel better now, except cocaine.

Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.