We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

I used to live with two other guys. We used to cook two things. The first one was called 'cheese... thing' and that was where you get something and you melt cheese over it and the first one to guess what it is doesn't have to wash up. That's obviously quite Mediterranean; the other one was less complex. It was just called 'cheese fantasy.' That's where you come in, very drunk, at about five in the morning and find an apple and just pretend there's some cheese on it.

I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.

I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like this, and that's really up to them, that's fine, but I don't sit around all day analysing it. I just try and enjoy a show and interest myself because if I don't do that then I won't interest anybody else.

You exaggerate your own reactions.