Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse.
Dylan MoranVodka! That's a child's drink, why am I drinking this stupid drink, oh and why am I on a traffic island?
Dylan MoranIt should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
Dylan MoranI'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.
Dylan MoranYou have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.
Dylan Moran