You exaggerate your own reactions.

I need a healthy injection of cynicism right now.

I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.

It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.