Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

I've lived in the UK for longer than I lived in Ireland. I'm not worried about myself, but it's ridiculous for youngsters.

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

[Washington] is the political capital. It's essentially a big office.

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.