Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

When things are going well, I can't write fast enough to keep up with my mind. Writing walks, speech runs and talk flies. Other times, though, it's like fishing.

Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written.

Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.

Stand-up came naturally to me because people in Ireland talk. But that's not talking on panel shows; it is structured fun. It reminds me of some tragic aunt clapping her hands and bouncing into a room and announcing we should all play games... and if we don't we are all a rotten spoilsport.

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?