I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.

It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.

You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.

Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop

You look like a horse in a man costume