I don't see teenagers anymore. I see... I see youths. Slumped S shapes in their hoodies, all huddled round a bin of burning grannies. All texting eachother because they've given up on speech.

In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody; I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.

I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.

I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.

I have used that song ["50ft Queenie"] and I'm a big PJ Harvey fan. I think she's fantastic.

Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.