I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

You exaggerate your own reactions.

The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity.

The sensible thing for everyone to do would be to write all their op-eds and think pieces now so they're ready the day after the election when [Donald] Trump is no longer in the picture. God, I can't wait for that. I hope he just goes away.

I was lucky in the sense that I was never blessed with an overly reflective nature.