I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that are like a lot of other people. There can be a bit of a herd mentality, and that's obviously less interesting because there's less going on. I'm just being totally frank with you.

We all know smoking is bad. I know I'm going to quit someday, if I thought I wasn't I'd quit now.

I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine.

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.