I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.

Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.

Its not easy being a man you know. I had to get dressed today… and there are other pressures.

If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room; you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything. I've written lots of material, but how do you memorise 90 minutes? That's one hell of a long speech. I've always had problems with that.

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape.