Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!

I don't go to different countries to criticise their political system and tell them what they should be doing - what do I know?

I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.

People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody; I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.

It's such a bullshit move. Transparently so. It's obviously supposed to give succor to people who feel pissed off because someone from another country got a job that they feel should've been given to them. But that's what people voted against here. They voted against the movement of labor - that kind of fluidity - because they want a Britain that no longer exists, and they can't get it.

You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.