You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.

If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room, you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything.

As an Irish person, there's a historical fascination with America: America is the default green and promised land for Irish people and Italians; that's what we grow up with.

Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.

I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.

You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'