People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'

I get a phone call once every 18 months from some mad person who wants me to do something for less than no money and they give me about a week's notice. That's my film career, most of the time.

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

Beer must be made by food companies. It makes you wander the streets at 3 am looking for things to eat. "What's that, is it moving, get it!! It's a nun! Fry her!! Fry her!"

If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room; you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything. I've written lots of material, but how do you memorise 90 minutes? That's one hell of a long speech. I've always had problems with that.

I'll work for whoever wants to hire me. Even the jewelry channel.