Whoever thought the future would feel so much like the present?

I like sporks. They're like spoons, but you can poke people with them.

'One Week' changed my life because I used to be the Million Dollars Guy, and now I'm the Chickity China Guy.

I'm always nervous about singing...always. It may be one of the only things I sweat about.

Only your customers can define quality, because it's meeting your customers' expectations the first time every time. Simply put, it's performance to the standards of the customer.

I think we should start a movement, and everyone should just start wearing metal pants to the airport.

I'm having a mid-life crisis, so I thought instead of having sex with a stranger, I'd just get a new haircut. It's good clean fun without all the messy emotional baggage. It's just a haircut folks! It's not like I had an eye removed, or a leg added on! Live a little... it'll grow back!