The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself.

There's nothing I know for sure, because I know for sure that things change.

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

I didn't go to college at all, any college, and I'm not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I'm a huge celebrity.

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.

I was raised that you don't use something nice until there's someplace to go.