All of my friends were seeing a therapist, and I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't see a therapist. So I went to a therapist to find out why I wasn't seeing a therapist. And it turns out I'm very screwed up. Thank God I found a therapist to tell me for $125 an hour.

I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!" I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!

Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.

It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.

I think there's a whole bunch of things that go along with being a girl. You're not supposed to have opinions or be tough or strong. You're supposed to be soft and vulnerable, and I find those qualities important in both men and women.

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. Its been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch TV. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.