Start thinking positively. You will notice a difference. Instead of 'I think I'm a loser,' try 'I definitely am a loser.' Stop being wishy-washy about things! How much more of a loser can you be if you don't even know you are one? Either you are a loser or you are not. Which is it, stupid?

When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.

That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.

I hope I make people feel better. I hope I take people out of their situations a little bit and make them happier. That's really why I do what I do.

The legend goes that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. I was thinking... that must be hard to put all the tiny seatbelts on all the snakes.

I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But...I'm a loving, spiritual person.

Beauty isn’t between a size zero and a size eight, it is not a number at all. It is not physical.