I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.

I hate having to do small talk. I'd rather talk about deep subjects. I'd rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter.

I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.

Be open to learning new lessons, even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday.

Honestly, I would eat cardboard rather than go back to eating animals.

You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.

I'm sure men have their own ways of trying to demean one another, but women can be very gossipy and judgmental, and that doesn't help.