I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.

A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room.

I'm a comedian, and I definitely see the humor in a lot of things. I am also sad a lot. I cry often and easily. I think you're supposed to feel all kinds of things.

You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.

Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.

I don't think I remember my first memory.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.