Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.

Who needs sleep? I laugh in the face of sleep!

Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen.

I get paid very well for an amazing, amazing life. I'm blessed.

I believe one day a 'ban on gay marriage' will sound totally ridiculous. In the meantime, I will continue to speak out for equality for all of us.

I'm glad I'm funny. I'm glad I make people happy, because that's very important. But I'm proud to be known as a kind person.

You know that song that asks, "Why do fools fall in love?"? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.