I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom.

Artemis looked at Holly and felt a tremendous affection for her... he could properly appreciate how fierce and beautiful his best friend was... She is truly magical, thought Artemis. Perhaps her qualities are more obvious to me now that I have decided to sacrifice myself.

Orion nodded, then asked, “Dwarf cheese?” “Cheese made by dwarfs.” “Oh,” said Orion, relieved. “They make it. It’s not actually . . .” “No. What a horrible thought.” “Exactly.

Waitress: "And to drink?" Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water.

A metaphorical weight lifted from his allegorical chest and Artemis Fowl felt himself again.

Why can't we for once have a meeting in Starbucks?

Artemis: Holly, how did you find me? Holly: Oh, I saw a huge explosion and wondered: now, who could that be?