Artemis: I am not buoyed by that. Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized. Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone.

A genius. A criminal mastermind. A millionaire. And he is only twelve years old.

In spite of what youngsters think, parents do not get a sneaky thrill out of punishing their children.

I often meet frustrated young writers who say they've only got so far and just can't finish a book. Even if you don't happen to use what you've worked on that day, it has taught you something and you'll be amazed when you might come back to it and use it again.

Artemis ducked. Cudgeon didn't. Guess what? Artemis was smarter.

The only other scenario that could explain everything, up to and including your own bizarre apperance, is a convoluted conspiracy theory involving the Russian Mafia and a crack team of plastic surgeons.

I'm LEP. A captain. No rent-a-cop gnome is going to stand in the way of my orders.