If you're famous, you have to [be overly generous], otherwise people say, "Eric Idle came in and only left me $4." I always tip more than people expect.

The dreadful thing about getting older is you cry at the drop of a hat.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

I'm not careful with my money at all these days. I buy people a lot of dinners!

Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man; good morning, madam, I'm a psychiatrist

I interviewed Matt [Stone] and Trey [Parker], actually, and I got to ask them questions. I love them deeply because they appeared dressed as J-Lo and someone else [who had worn the same scandalous dresses the year before at the Oscars]. They confessed they were on acid.

Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.