At Cambridge, you have to kiss the vice-chancellor's fingers. But I missed out on that, 'cause I was doing a matinee. I don't want to kiss a strange man's fingers anyway.

I'm not really a celebrity; I'm just vestigially left over from doing stuff from before.

I used to have a house in London, but couldn't face 20 more years of St John's Wood in the rain.

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

When I was 23 I started writing for I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again and was paid three guineas for every minute's airtime.

Filming a pirate film is always good fun, with ships and indecent clothing.