I am racking my brains to find out why he left without saying goodby to me.

God, I am afraid he won't give me his answer today. If only somebody would help me - it is all so terribly depressing.

I have now reached the happy age of 23. No, happy is not quite the right word. At this particular moment I am certainly not happy.

There is only one thing I want. I would like to be seriously ill, and to hear nothing more about him for at least a week. Why doesn't something happen to me? Why do I have to go through all this? If only I had never set eyes on him!

I sat with him for three hours and we did not exchange a single word. At the end he handed me, as he had done before, an envelope with money in it. It would have been much nicer if he had enclosed a greeting or a loving word. I would have been so pleased if he had.

I am so infinitely happy that he loves me so much, and I pray that it will always be like this. It won't be my fault if he ever stops loving me.

I am racking my brains to find out why he left without saying goodby to me.