It's the Government's job to print the money, deliver the mail and declare war. Now give me my cigarettes.

There is more sexism in a year's worth of movies than actually exists in a woman's entire lifetime.

I've always said that next to Imperial China, the South is the best place in the world to be an old lady.

In social matters, pointless conventions are not merely the bee sting of etiquette, but the snake bite of moral order.

because the theater lost a Barrymore every time a Southerner decided not to go on the stage, just about anything that comes out of a Southern mouth is bound to be a ringing line.

Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs.

I don't mind being regarded as perverted and unnatural, but I would die if people thought I was a Democrat.