Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

It would also have been helpful to have gone to a Catholic grammar school. The only people who know grammar are those people who went to Catholic grammar school. Those nuns beat it into them.

Television turned out to be exactly as bad as the most irritating and pedantic intellectuals of the '50s said it was going to be.

It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.

I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.

Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.