Writers have problems writing sex scenes, because writing one really well is pornography.

The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.

This idea that people have to love and understand each other is absurd. It's not human nature.

If you're going to America, bring your own food.

They know you can't get people to stop smoking, so they develop a system of informants. That's the whole idea of second-hand smoke, you know. Make second-hand smoke dangerous and turn everybody against smokers. Then they say you can't even smoke in a bar - a bar! - because bartenders have a right to a smoke-free "workspace." Ah, bartenders, those health nuts.

I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?

There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.