Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.

Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.

Commercials and sometimes other guests - it's the down side of TV. Other people - it's the downside of life in general.

Whenever someone accuses someone of being a racist - which is rare, you have to admit, considering how much racism there is - there is an incredible outrage. I realized that we live in an environment that it seems to be worse to call someone a racist than to be one.

For the movie review columns, I always knew exactly what I was going to write about - the movies.