To me the biggest waste of time is commuting. First, there is no place that is less than a two-hour commute from New York. You can be half a mile outside of the city limits; you're two hours away by car. I don't care how close they tell you it is. "Oh, it's only thirty miles." Thirty miles? At 8:30 in the morning, thirty miles outside New York, you might as well be starting out in Omaha.

If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum.

There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.

Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.

I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?