I could not possibly be in a relationship now for more than six days. When I was younger, I might have said six months, although I think the longest relationship I was ever in was three years.

You don't have to lay an egg to know if it tastes good.

...I believed passionately that Communists were a race of horned men who divided their time equally between the burning of Nancy Drew books and the devising of a plan of nuclear attack that would land the largest and most lethal bomb squarely upon the third-grade class of Thomas Jefferson School in Morristown, New Jersey.

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.

Commercials and sometimes other guests - it's the down side of TV. Other people - it's the downside of life in general.

Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far too short to be exposed to contempt.