Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

The difference between religions and cults is determined by how much real estate is owned.

It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.

I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?

People are just waiting around to get certified.

I proceeded to take that mitten full of the deadly yellow snow crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous circular motion.

I'm not going to be Bill Clinton and say I never inhaled. I did inhale. I liked tobacco a lot better.