The white light is the joker in the deck. It creates transmutations that are completely unpredictable, which is what makes it fun, which is why it scares the hell out of most people.

Find a teacher of Tantric Zen and study with them because it is transference of awareness, a sharing of the perception of the beauty of life.

We create ying and yang, yes and no, plus and minus.

You will be reborn. You will come from the inner to the outer again. This process goes on indefinitely.

There is no such thing as completion. These are only stages in an endless progression. There are no final outcomes or decisions, since nothing ever stays the same.

You'll notice all around the Hindu temples couples, statues and drawings, in various erotic forms of love-making. This used to give the British a lot of trouble because they were kind of white and uptight. It didn't quite fit. How could a temple of God be covered with pictures of people, in their term, fornicating?

They had the same fears that you have, the same aggressive tendencies and the same attachments, but they were freed in time because they believed.