Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God writes a lot of comedy, its just that he has so many bad actors.

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

Winter: It's not just a season, it's who we are.

Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door

Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.

You're such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.

All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?