Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God writes a lot of comedy, its just that he has so many bad actors.

Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.

I don't want them to be told to remember me.

Honesty is a rare commodity in a palace, and that is why so many fairy-tale marriages end up on the rocks.

TV news is as bloody as Shakespeare but without the intelligence and the poetry. If you watch television news you know less about the world than if you drank gin out of a bottle

As for family values, they are whatever they are - some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A main value in Minnesota is still: don't waste my time, don't B.S. me, I wasn't born yesterday.

No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.