Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and she had no time for either

A child can educate just about anybody.

I'm of an age when if I started to do eulogies, I'd be doing nothing else. You don't want to be remembered? I don't want them to be told to remember me.

This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.

Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster.

I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the age of 30 I don't think there is any obligation to be clever at all.