When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.

As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.

I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.

English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.