When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

Before the world was made, when it was only darkness and mist and waters, God was well aware of Lake Wobegon, my family, our house, and He had me all sketched out down to what size my feet would be (big), which bike I would ride (Schwinn), and the five ears of corn I'd eat for supper that night.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

Take care of your friends. Because there will come a time when you'll be no good to anyone, and the only reason for people to talk to you will be sheer habit.

I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.

I usually don't work with other people; I do the whole show myself.