Remember this... develop a sense of nostalgia for something, or you'll never figure out what's important.

That's what tyrants do, I guess. They make you covet their attention; they make you confuse attention for mercy.

Life for young American college graduates is a festive affair. Free of having to support their families, they mostly have gay parties on rooftops where they reflect at length upon their quirky electronic childhoods and sometimes kiss each other on the lips and neck.

Don't be pretentious is my first advice to young writers. This is the big problem - just because you're getting an MFA doesn't mean you have to write for the Academy. Be true to your personality. Don't temper your personality down with words. Don't build defensive fortresses around yourself with words - words are your friends.

The greatest books in Russian literature are satires. Gogol's Dead Souls, for example, is a very over-the-top satire about life in Russia. I think it's the thing we do best.

America should treasure its rare, true original voices and Mark Leyner is one of them. So treasure him already, you bastards!

Before my first novel, I was dating a woman who later went to prison for bashing a guy with a hammer.