This is myself, baby. All of my selves. I own each and every one of them. I know who I'm pretending to be and who I am." The look he gives me is withering. "Do you?
Gayle FormanBecause for that day, I really did become Lulu. Maybe not from the film or the real Louise Brooks, but my own idea of what Lulu represented. Freedom. Daring. Adventure. Saying yes.
Gayle FormanQuittingโs not hard. Deciding to quit is hard. Once you make that mental leap, the rest is easy.โ โReally? Was that how you quit me?
Gayle FormanIf you stay, I'll do whatever you want. I'll quit the band, go with you to New York. But if you need me to go away, I'll do that, too. I was talking to Liz and she said maybe coming back to your old life would be too painful, that maybe it'd be easier for you to erase us. And that would suck, but I'd do it. I can lose you like that if I don't lose you today. I'll let you go. If you stay.
Gayle FormanIn the lead-up to the launch of my new book I Was Here, Iโve seen a lot of discussion about depression and suicide and mental health and YA dealing with such intense matters. What I havenโt seen discussed is kittens.
Gayle FormanI just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. Itโs okay if you have to leave us. Itโs okay if you want to stop fighting.
Gayle FormanAbout being grateful for what you have instead of yearning for what you think you want.
Gayle FormanLoving someone is such an inherently dangerous act. And yet, love, thatโs where safety lives.
Gayle FormanBut still, I find the need to remind myself of the temporariness of a day, to reassure myself that I got through yesterday, I'll get through today.
Gayle FormanThe whole night had been a mistake. It's not going to let me rewind. Or unmake the mistakes I've made.Or the promises I've mad. Or have her back. Or have me back.
Gayle FormanIn Rome, I really wanted an Audrey Hepburn Roman Holiday experience, but the Trevi Fountain was crowded, there was a McDonald's at the base of the Spanish Steps, and the ruins smelled like cat pee because of all the strays. The same thing happened in Prague, where I'd been yearning for some of the bohemianism of The Unbearable Lightness of Being. But no, there were no fabulous artists, no guys who looked remotely like a young Daniel Day-Lewis. I saw this one mysterious-looking guy reading Sartre in a cafe, but then his cell phone rang and he started talking in aloud Texan twang.
Gayle FormanConcert' doesnโt mean standing up like a target in front of thousands of strangers. It means coming together. It means harmony.
Gayle FormanI want to undo this. To make it right. But I have no idea how. I don't seem to know how to open up to people without getting the door slammed in my face. So I do nothing.
Gayle FormanBecause I understand all the ways of trying to escape, how sometimes you escape one prison only to find you've built yourself a different one.
Gayle FormanIt feels like the city is telling secrets down here, privy only to those who think to listen.
Gayle FormanAll relationships are tough. Just like with music, sometimes you have harmony and other times you have cacophony.
Gayle FormanMia,โ Kim said, an edge of warning in her voice signaling the end of her patience. โYouโre starting to act like one of those girls. Do you need to get me a gun?
Gayle FormanSo, this is how it's become? This is how I've become? A walking contradiction? I'm surrounded by people and feel alone. I claim to crave a bit of normalcy but now that I have some, it's like I don't know what to do with it, I don't know how to be a normal person anymore.
Gayle FormanI have a feeling that once you live through something like this, you become a little bit invincible.
Gayle Forman...the world feels so big when you're out in the wide open. It's like you don't have a place in it when you don't have a home." "Your place is right here," I whispered, laying down and hugging her close.
Gayle FormanI think everything is happening all the time, but if you don't put yourself in the path of it, you miss it. When you travel, you put yourself out there. It's not always great. Sometimes it's terrible. But other times ... [...] It's not so bad.
Gayle FormanAdam is crying and somewhere inside of me I am crying, too, because I'm feeling things at last. I'm feeling not just the physical pain, but all that I have lost, and it is profound and catastrophic and will leave a crater in me that nothing will ever fill.
Gayle FormanI actually feel something in my chest open, a feeling so intense, itโs like my heartโs about to burst. And I just let it. I just let it out.
Gayle FormanAnd yes, it was a high school romance, but it was still the kind of romance where I thought we were trying to find a way to make it forever.
Gayle FormanWe are like Humpty Dumpty and all these king's horses and all these king's men cannot put us back together again
Gayle FormanWe can change in one day. We can fall in love in one day. Anything can happen in one day.
Gayle FormanThereโs a piece of lead where my heart should beat Doctor said too dangerous to take out Youโd better just leave it be Body grew back around it, a miracle, praise be Now, if only I could get through airport security โbullet
Gayle FormanAdam lay perfectly still, little groans escaping from his lips. I looked at the bow, looked at my hands, looked at Adam's face and felt this surge of love, lust, and an unfamiliar feeling of power.
Gayle FormanBut then Mason touches my neck, to the spot on it where the cut from that night has since healed, and I pull away. He was right, after all; it didn't leave a scar, though part of me wishes it had. At least I'd have some evidence, some justification of this permanence. Stains are even worse when you're the only one who can see them.
Gayle FormanSleep would be so welcome. A warm blanket of black to erase everything else. Sleep without dreams. I've heard people talk about the sleep of the dead. Is that what death would feel like? The nicest, warmest, heaviest never-ending nap? If that's what it's like, I wouldn't mind. If that's what dying is like, I wouldn't mind that at all.
Gayle FormanOr maybe it's not a miracle. Maybe this is just life. When you open yourself up to it. When you put yourself in the path of it. When you say yes.
Gayle FormanSaba used to say there was a difference between bravery and courage. Bravery was doing something dangerous without thinking. Courage was walking into danger, knowing full well the risks.
Gayle FormanSometimes the best way to find out what youโre supposed to do is by doing the thing youโre not supposed to do.
Gayle FormanI miss my father. I miss my grandfather. I miss my home. And I miss my mother. But the thing is, for almost three years, I managed not to miss any of them. And then I spent that one day with that one girl. One day ... It was like she gave me her whole self, and somehow as a result, I gave her more of myself than I even realized there was to give. But then she was gone. And only after I'd been filled up by her, by that day, did I understand how empty I really was.
Gayle Forman