Get rid of the friends who want you to spend your whole day doing nothing with them. They're not your friends. They're your enemies.

I like to approach every day like it's the only day I will ever have.

People who are the salt of the earth get up and go to a job that they hate.

If you look at the CEOs of some the most successful companies in the world like IKEA, they never fly first class. They always go economy.

Your date will not be impressed by you throwing up on her brand-new shoes, as you spout poetic babblings that are meaningful only to you.

When I meet a woman, I don't think, 'Gee, I wonder if she's read the latest thesis by Stephen Hawking? I think, 'Great tits.'

That's why I'm a big supporter of the death penalty. I want to be the hangman. I would put many more people to death like the kids who want to kill other people, I'd put 'em to death. Postal workers who get arrested, they have mental problems. You know what? When you're dead you don't have a mental problem. If you take a life, I will take yours. Put me in charge, I will fix it.