I'll get rid of the drug problem. The first drug dealer will be publicly executed in front of everybody and all of the sudden the rest of the drug dealers are going to go "Uh oh!" Watch how fast the drug problem disappears. If you use drugs, you're addicted and you steal something, you'll get sent off to the outback and to work camps and all of the sudden no drug addicts. See how simple that is? So simple.

When I meet a woman, I don't think, 'Gee, I wonder if she's read the latest thesis by Stephen Hawking? I think, 'Great tits.'

You know why I'm pulling your leg? Because I can't touch it from where I am.

I'd like to think that the boring lady who's talking to me now is a lot sexier and more interesting than the one who's doing NPR. You know, studious and reserved, and - I bet you're a lot of fun at a party.

The death of rock was not a natural death. Rock did not die of old age. It was murdered.

I'm forbidden fruit. Once you go to certain households, mommy doesn't want you to see that dirty man who sticks his tongue out and spits out blood and all that stuff.

The biggest financial pitfall in life is divorce. And the biggest reason for divorce is marriage.