Life on board a pleasure steamer violates every moral and physical condition of healthy life except fresh air. . . . It is a guzzling, lounging, gambling, dog's life. The only alternative to excitement is irritability.

It is the first duty of every man not to be poor.

Just as I cannot remember any time when I could not read and write, I cannot remember any time when I did not exercise my imagination in daydreams about women.

German and Spanish are accessible to foreigners: English is not accessible even to Englishmen.

If you can’t appreciate what you’ve got, you’d better get what you can appreciate.

Very nice sort of place, Oxford, I should think, for people that like that sort of place. They teach you to be a gentleman there. In the polytechnic they teach you to be an engineer or such like. See?

A woman whose face looked as if it had been made of sugar and someone had licked it.