Newspaper : A device unable to distinguish between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilisation.

My situation is a solemn one: life is offered to me on the condition of eating beefsteaks. But death is better than cannibalism. My will contains directions for my funeral, which will be followed, not by mourning coaches, but by oxen, sheep, flocks of poultry, and a small traveling aquarium of live fish, all wearing white scarves in honor of the man who perished rather than eat his fellow creatures. It will be, without the exception of Noah's Ark, the most remarkable thing of its kind ever seen.

The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself.

My rank is the highest known in Switzerland: I'm a free citizen.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

All professions are conspiracies against the laity.

The quality of a play is the quality of its ideas.