Newspaper : A device unable to distinguish between a bicycle accident and the collapse of civilisation.

If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentleman, he may pronounce as he pleases.

Literature is like any other trade; you will never sell anything unless you go to the right shop.

The public want actresses, because they think all actresses bad. They don't want music or poetry because they know that both are good. So actors and actresses thrive and poets and composers starve.

Assassination on the scaffold is the worst form of assassination.

Do not waste your time on Social Questions. What is the matter with the poor is Poverty; what is the matter with the rich is Uselessness.

No Englishman is ever fairly beaten