What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?

Golf is typical capitalist luncay.

Fashions are the only induced epidemics, proving that epidemics can be induced by tradesmen.

You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub.

Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside.

O Lord! I don't know which is the worst of the country, the walking or the sitting at home with nothing to do.

Telling the truth is the funniest joke in the world.