I appeal to the chemists to discover a humane gas that will kill instantly and painlessly. In short- a gentlemanly gas deadly by all means, but humane, not cruel.

A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.

With the exception of capitalism, there is nothing so revolting as revolution.

Vivisection is a social evil because if it advances human knowledge, it does so at the expense of human character.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.

The price of ability does not depend on merit but on supply and demand.