Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart's desire; the other is to get it.

It is not pleasure that makes life worth living. It is life that makes pleasure worth having.

Female murderers get sheaves of offers of marriage.

I shall always be a flower girl to Professor Higgins, because he always treats me as a flower girl, and always will; but I know I can be a lady to you, because you always treat me as a lady, and always will.

Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature!

We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years and justify our existence... on pain of liquidation.

What a heartbreaking job it is trying to combine authors for their own protection... the first lesson I learned was that when you take the field for the authors you will be safer without a breastplate than without a backplate.