Put an Irishman on the spit and you can always get another Irishman to turn him.

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

I don't know if there are men on the moon, but if there are they must be using the earth as their lunatic asylum

You may well ask me why...I took the time to write [books]. I can only reply that I do not know. There was no why about it. I had to: that was all.

I do not want to make my stomach a graveyard of dead animals.

Nobody could stand an eternity of Heaven.

If we have come to think that the nursery and the kitchen are the natural sphere of a woman, we have done so exactly as English children come to think that a cage is the natural sphere of a parrot: because they have never seen one anywhere else.