Put an Irishman on the spit and you can always get another Irishman to turn him.

What right has any human being to talk of bringing up a child? You do not bring up a tree or a plant. It brings itself up. You have to give it a fair chance by tilling the soil.

It is doubtless wise, when a reform is introduced, to try to persuade the British public that it is not a reform at all; but appearances must be kept up to some extent at least.

Vulgarity in a king flatters the majority of the nation.

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.

Never believe anything a writer tells you about himself. A man comes to believe in the end the lies he tells himself about himself.

HIGGINS. Have you no morals, man? DOOLITTLE [unabashed] Cant afford them, Governor. Neither could you if you was as poor as me.