A socialist is somebody who doesn't have anything, and is ready to divide it up equally among everybody.

God is on the side of the big battalions.

English is the easiest language to speak badly.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

Money is the counter that enables life to be lived socially; it is life as truly as sovereigns and banknotes are money.

Most of the money given by rich people in "charity" is made up of conscience money, "ransom," political bribery, and bids for titles.... One buys moral credit by signing a cheque, which is easier than turning a prayer wheel.

Schools and schoolmasters, as we have them today, are not popular as places of education and teachers, but rather prisons and turnkeys in which children are kept to prevent them disturbing and chaperoning their parent.